Growing up for many of us, we were taught to put others first. My whole life I watched heard people say, “Ill do this after my daughter finishes school”, or I’ll go to the doctor as soon as I have a second to stop”. Honestly, I can go on with the long list of excuses we all have used to put off our own needs. We certainly do desire to help and contribute to others. We also do not want to seem selfish. Being selfish after all is really bad, isn’t it?
I spent many years learning in one capacity or anther how to care for others. Years of psychology course work, education classes, healing courses, observing other people in the world around me. I personally love being a contribution to others. It makes me feel good to do it. However, as I observe those around me, and as I experienced in my own life, when you are always giving, eventually the cup runs out.
I listen to clients who are struggling with health or relationship issues and I almost always hear feelings of resentment, frustration, and exhaustion. They express feeling as though they are doing for others and never receiving anything in return. This feeling is often coupled with feelings of guilt for even wanting something in return. They certainly did not choose to contribute with the thought of wanting something in return. After time passes though, they seem to feel as though someone should at least offer to contribute to them in some way. We learn not to block off our own receiving. We also learn having needs and desires are a bad personality traits.
Being of service and being a contribution to others does not mean you must neglect yourself, physically, emotionally or financially. In fact, if you would like to do it successfully, more easily and even joyfully, you must make your needs a priority. If it sounds as though I am promoting being selfish well, I actually am. At first those I work with seem surprised when I say I am promoting them being selfish. They immediately state that in their observation I am always working, giving, contributing often for more hours than many people. I learned the hard way, in order to do what I do every day, I must start with me and each and every day. I have non-negotiable time in my schedule for me to care for me. This could be morning mediattion, which I do daily, a walk in nature, deliberate breathing, drawing, sketching, a hike in the woods or something that is nurturing, fun and feels good.
As I watch my clients literally force themselves to begin and end their days being nurturing to themselves, I can see they are resistant and uncomfortable. This begins to shift anywhere from 3-7 days of consistently taking time for themselves each day. Within 30 daysI begin to hear and see some very different resposnse from my clients and their family members. They are more joy filled, more energetic, more focused, more clear, and getting more done. My clients are busy people, so when I tell them making time for them every day, no exception, will actualy create more time for them in their life, there is a strong response followed by a clear doubt that I must not know how busy they really are each day. I mean you know your life, can you imagine squeezing anything else into your day? Absolutely not, not even for three minutes.
One of the amazing things about caring for you and meeting your needs is, it will be the first time in your life you can actually feel like you are giving your all in each area of your life. If you are not taking care of you, you are sitting there often feeling out of balance. You may be feeling great about what you are giving to work, but feeling like you ae lacking in the time you spend with your family. You may feel you are doing well with your family time and work time, however there is no time for friends or fun. Something just always feels like it is getting the short end of the stick. There is a very simple explanation for that feeling. It is not possible to give your all to everything, if you are not even able to give anything to you.
Over the last 20 years I have worked with people all over the world. I have worked with people who own very successful companies. The businesses that have created the most encourage nurturing yourself, in one way or another. It may be flex scheduling, or breaks or planned fun events or including families in alot of projects and company functions. These companies grow at exponential rates. It is not just obvious in business either. Yes, all my clients make more money as a result of including themselves in their list of daily priorities, most importantly, they are happier in every area of their life.
As my clients include themselves on their own priority list consistelntly for 30 days, they notice their lives, relationships, businesses changing and initially that is not the focus. I even have had family members indicate they notice such a difference that now they jump in to help and insist the person take the time for themselves. They love spending time with this person now. Everything feels different to everyone in a relationship with a person who takes care of themselves. It benefits everyone if you are feeling good, energetic and appreciated. This is a true win-win choice
Would you be willing to include you in your own life plan? When I ask the question that way it feels different doens’t it? Most of you may initially think you are in your plan. Look at your daily schedule, what is on your schedule each day? Look at your three and five year plan, do you see, a house, a vaca tion, a retirement fund? Now write down how you fit in those plans. You own a home, that is wonderful. You have created possibly more work for you and more of a reason why you have less time for you in your life. Where are you taking care of you each day? Where are you modeling nurturing and kindness to yourself for those around you? You do know when you choose it you are also opening up for others to contribute to you too. What you may not realize is, it makes them feel good to be a contribution to you.
One of the many amazing teachers I studied in my life was Carl Jung. He wrote about how we often grow up with a set of beliefs that at least once in our life we begin to question. We then often decide the beliefs may have served us prior to this moment, they do not serve us any longer. Priorities is one of those areas we all eventually shift. Your priorities are driven by those beliefs. Both men and women change drastically when they begin the time in their lives around mid life and later.
If you are reading this now, you are lucky. You do not have to wait to shift. You can make yourself a priority now and reap the benefits in your life as soon as today. In choosing that, you also demonstrate to your children, your family, and all of those people who observe and learn from you the power you gain in this choice. It can begin with something as simple as thinking of five things that feel like fun and joy to you, and then do one of those things every day for 15 minutes no matter what comes up. Do it first thing in the morning before you start anything.
If you are looking to shift anything in your life, boost your business, have more passion in your relationship, create a nurturing relationship, be more available and energetic and happy in whatever you are doing, it is time to look at your priorities. Start today and add you to your calendar. I assure you my friends, it is a game changer.