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The Beliefs We Have Can Keep Us Stuck

Positive Negative Beliefs and how they Impact You.

Beliefs are one of those parts of our lives that are part of our blueprint. I often think of them as a computer chip that somehow programs us in ways we often do not understand. When working with clients, Donna Martuge stated “I have found when you can show someone their “positive negative beliefs’ they can quickly experience profound change. She shared this story from one of her Create Your Life three day classes.

What is important to you in your life?

For the purpose of confidentiality we will call this person Jenn. Jenn is a very successful woman who some may refer to her as masculine in personality. When Donna asked her what she believes is important to her in life she indicated “Joy”. Then Donna asked her “what has to be in her life for her to have Joy?”. Here is where you can see how the beliefs impact and control your life. Jenn said “good people, who reciprocate, family members who love me unconditionally and support me and are happy”. Jenn also indicated she would love a relationship that works that she can be happy in, however she has been unsuccessful in relationships.

The questions Donna asked and Jenn’s responses opened up a doorway to change for Jenn and everyone in the class. How many people in your life, in this world can actually say everyone in their friends and family will reciprocate and support you all the time the way you expect them to? Everyone in the class responded.

What Rules Do You Have Around This In Your Life?

What happened next was profound. Donna was able to show Jenn and the rest of the group of the group the very clear rules connected to Jenn’s beliefs that actually guarantee she will often feel disappointed, frustrated and angry. While watching you could see Jenn shaking her head in acknowledgement. Donna was able to make her laugh through a moment of change as she jokingly, yet accurately indicated that people in her life can be there as long as they do what she believes is reciprocation, support and unconditional love, the way she thinks is the “right way” to do it. Again Jenn laughed and said yes.

The Shift

Donna always says transformation happens in an instant. It can take ten years to get to that moment, however, when it does happen it happens in a moment. She is masterful at facilitating transformation. Listen to what happened next.

As the conversation went on, they talked about how this may impact her all of her relationships including intimate ones. As Donna guided the conversation Jenn asked, “so do I not expect things from others?”. Donna responded with “You raise your expectations of yourself and change your expectations of others to appreciation for them, and then your life will transform”. Jenn could feel the difference in that, her whole body softened. The whole class was able to see how those beliefs that are under many of our decisions often have unspoken, unconscious rules that get in the way of us getting what we really desire. The amazing part of the large classes is transformation happens for many people at once. You can see and sense everyone in the room shift along with Jenn.

If you find you are having difficulty changing your emotional state, your relationships, your body, or any other goal you may have, exploring your beliefs and the rules attached to them is a great way to create dynamic and lasting change.

 

By

The Beyond A Moment In Time Team

based on events from live classes with Donna Martuge

YOU ARE A REFLECTION OF THOSE YOU SPEND TIME WITH EACH DAY

YOU ARE A REFLECTION OF THOSE YOU SPEND TIME WITH EACH DAY

by Donna Martuge, Ed.D

 

As a child I would hear adults use cliches such as; “birds of a feather flock together” or “you are the companyyou keep”. We learn about social groups very quickly in school. We know the cliques, we easily recognize certain people who are close friends often have similar behaviors and similar like and dislikes. We are familiar with unstated rules of engagement and form belief systems around the experiences.

The most successful people in the world refer to being with groups that elevate and inspire you. Anthony Robbins has shared his belief that the quality of a persons is most often a direct reflection of the expectations of their peer group. Jim Rohn has said you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with in your life. What are some things your peer group says about you?

Here are some tips to help you see what your peer group says about you:

THE QUALITIES YOU ADMIRE OR DESIRE IN PEOPLE

Take a few moments to think about and write down all of the qualities you love in a person. What type of person is the ideal friend, partner, lover, boss, employee, person. We tend to notice certain qualities in people that stand out that we may admire, or just desire to see in ourselves. Be honest with yourself in this activity it is quite telling.

After spending at least 5 minutes writing everything that comes to mind, list the 5 people you are closest to and spend time with on your page. Take a few minutes to look at the qualities you admire and desire in people you meet and write down the ones next to each friends name on your list that match who they truly are every day. Are you surrounding yourself with people who embody the characteristics you value in a person? If not ask yourself to list anyone you know who does exhibit those qualities. Start spending time with the people that reflect what you value, and aspire to be, and start exhibiting those qualities in your life on a daily basis as well.

THE LEVEL SYSTEM
Now look at your same list if friends that you send the most of your time with each day. Circle the ones you look up to for some quality or behavior they exhibit consistently. Circle the ones that inspire you to reach for more in all that you do everyday. In order for us to grow, reach our goals, learn and develop in our lives it is important we do have people in our circles that have some qualities we desire to have and choose to reach for in our own lives. Choosing people who help to elevate and lift you to the next level because watching them has you aspiring for more in one or more areas of your life.

RAISING THE BAR
Take the time now to look at the qualities you listed that you desire to improve or increase in yourself and who you choose to be on a daily basis. Make the list of people you know who exhibit those qualities. If no one on your list matches what you desire to be and do in your life, it is time to consider finding someone who does and adding them to your circle.

Now that you are aware of the qualities you do desire to see in others, demand yourself to begin choosing the actions, thoughts and behaviors that are in alignment with those values and goals. List what someone with those qualities would do on basis, how do they think on a daily basis, how do they contribute on a daily basis, and choose some of the thoughts and actions you can add to your own actions behaviors so you can begin to be that person. As you practice this, you will begin to notice people who do have the qualities that are important and inspiring to you will begin to show up in your life. You must be willing to be what you are asking for in others and then stretch to be even more.

FEAR CAN BE A POWERFUL RESOURCE

FEAR CAN BE A POWERFUL RESOURCE

by Donna Martuge, Ed.D

 

Emotions are powerful motivators. They can be a source of strength, confidence, determination and perseverance. Emotions can also be the reason we give up, or worse yet, choose to not even try something we would like to accomplish. I have worked with people who have such intense fear, they literally will not even leave their home. Fear becomes a self-made prison that helps keep us stuck. However, there is a way to use fear as the key to get us unstuck. Here are three tips to help you use your fear to your advantage:

MAKING FEAR YOUR FRIEND

RECOGNIZE YOUR THOUGHT PATTERNS

Our choices are generally driven because we desire to move towards something that is pleasurable or move away from something we have decided is painful. If there is something in your life you know you want, yet you are not moving towards it, write down all the thoughts that come up when you think about it. You will notice most of what shows up are our common excuses to not go for our dream. We use them often because they allow us to remain in our comfort zone. Your goal lives right outside of your comfort zone. If you recognize thoughts such as; I don’t have the money, I am too old, I don’t have the time to do it now, or I don’t know how, you are hiding behind excuses. The good news is that is something you can change this, you have more control over this then you realize.

DECIDE YOUR GOAL IS NON-NEGOTIABLE

Making a clear decision to choose the goal is a step towards reaching the goal. Once you consciously decide to make the goal a priority for you, an absolute “I am doing this” you are cutting off the ability to allow other options. Use your mind to help you make sure you move forward. Imagine what your life will feel like in twenty years if you did not go for the goal? What is the long term impact on your whole life? Will you regret not doing it? Focus on the fact that not reaching your goal is actually must scarier than not even allowing yourself the chance to be successful.

CHANGE YOUR MINDSET

Failure is inevitable. We all fail at something, Any successful person will tell you they have reached for goals that did not quite work out the way they planned. However, they do not define this as failure. Perception, and the meaning you give an experience truly creates your reality, it molds your future. Your experience is not a failure, it actually is the information you require to be successful. When electricity was discovered, it did not happen on the first try. Each experiment, and there were many, provided information on what needs to change order to possibly get the desired outcome. Practicing this type of mindset will give you an advantage you have not had before and help you continue towards your goal. Each experience is just information that leads you to the way you will be successful.

When you become more fearful of the life you will have if you do not choose to go for your goals, you will have a new determination to help you reach and exceed your dreams. You have a choice, practice using your fear and your thoughts to your advantage.